Adventures in Online Dating: Personality VS Appearance

Posted: April 1, 2015 in Marriage, Love, Dating, and, yes, Sex!, Online Dating

My “adventures” in online dating have been anything but lately.  After my last post, when I had pulled my hook from what seemed to be the guppy filled pond known as Plenty of Fish, I decided to give it another shot and unhid my profile once again.  I had a couple of nibbles…..

Jake thought I had sexy eyes and lips, however, when I thanked him for the compliment he had nothing more to say.  

Steve, who’s username was a distinct reference to Tim Hortons coffee, so I’m guessing he’s a Tim’s fan, was my second bite of the week. Unfortunately I wasn’t much of a Steve fan because the conversation didn’t spark my interest at all! 

After 5 very short chats with 5 uninteresting men, I began to think I had been right in pulling my hook from the water, so, once again, I disabled my profile. Of the many, many men that have messaged me I am only still talking to one……


For those of you who haven’t read my previous Adventures in Online Dating posts, Clarke is a guy that I met on my very first night on Plenty of Fish. He’s a techy, anime loving, gamer who is intelligent, funny, a great conversationalist, and a big ol goofy teddy bear! We have been talking ever since, and have recently upgraded to Facebook friends. Although I have enjoyed talking to him over the past few weeks, and ideally, we are a perfect match- both book nerds who like to write, both romantic and affectionate people, similar tastes in music, etc, etc- there was just no physical attraction there. Without sounding shallow, which I know I will anyways although I am not a shallow person, I was just not attracted to his appearance. I told him in a kind and gentle manner that I thought we could be great friends but that there was no potential for romance. He seemed to be dissapointed at first and I thought that maybe he wouldn’t want to chat with me anymore. However, after just a few minutes he messaged me again and our conversation was back to it’s normal, witty, zany self! 

Days passed and we talked during each one of them, often for hours on end. We got to know each other much better and were having a great time in the Friendzone. 

Fast forward a few days to Saturday night. I had plans to go to a friends birthday party but was having a lot of anxiety. Social anxiety is a huge issue for me and is part of the bipolar that I find hardest to deal with. I had talked to him about how I was feeling and he told me to take my phone along and message him whether I needed to…..

Me:So what are you doing tonight?

Clarke: Lying around being you anchor. 

Me:  could always use an anchor.

Clarke: I double as a security blanket too.

Sweet right? So, a couple hours later I’m at the party, and I message him..several times, but he didn’t answer. When I got home much later that night there was a message from him. 

Clarke: I feel so stupid. You needed me. 

Me: I’m fine 🙂 I’m home now. 

Clarke: -rubs your back- did you maim or kill anybody?

Me: No. Everyone was still alive and in one piece when I left. 

Clarke: Ok. -hugs- see how strong you are. You did awesome even with a crappy anchor/blanket.

Clarke: Im sorry.

Me: It’s okay. Really. I forgive you 🙂

Clarke: -tangles up and cudddles-

And that was when, in an emotional, intoxicated state or mind, I added him as a friend on Facebook. 

Then things began to change….

We talked till nearly 4AM and I began to see a side of him that I hadn’t seen before, or maybe that I hadn’t wanted to see before. He was sweet and affectionate and open. Suddenly I did feel butterflies when he called me beautiful, I did sigh and smile when he would make references to cuddling, and I did feel something that I hadn’t felt in all of our conversations. At first I thought maybe it was the alcohol, but the next day when we talked I felt the same way, and everyday since. He’s become an everyday fixture, and one that I look forward to. 

So now the question is, could I be attracted to his personality without being attracted to his physically appearance? And is it possible to have actual feelings for him this way? 

Advice anyone? 

  1. I have always fallen for personality over appearance. I think my hubby is the best looking guy in the world. I have no idea what other women think when they see him. He is so kind and loving and supporitive that all I see is beauty.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Writingofpassage says:

    Thanks for reading. This guys personality is amazing and the more I get to know about him, the more I like him!


  3. bipolarwhisper says:

    Having things in common, someone being there for you, understanding you, and being there for you is very important, more important then anything physical appearance wise. hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

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