I’ve been weening off my meds. I know what your thinking, trust me, it’s been said to me several times since I made the decision. 

“This is what bipolars do.  They feel good and think they don’t need to take their meds anymore, so they give them up and go off the deep end.”

Maybe I will. Who knows! But I know I have to try. 

I’m so sick of being numb. I’m tired of being so damn tired. I’m sick of being fat- a side effect of the seroquel. I am done being dazed and confused. I hate having to depend on a pill to make me sleep. I want to feel. 

So I’m giving it the good old college try! 

Effexor- 2 pills in the past 7 days, just enough to keep the withdraw symptoms (funny head, numbness and tingly in the face) at bay. 

Seroquel- dosage reduced to 100mg every night for 7 days. Tonight being the first night I’m trying to go without it entirely. So far, it’s not going well, which is exactly what I was expecting. 

Despite the fact that I was awake at 8am, worked 2 jobs today, celebrated my birthday, and haven’t been able to stay still for more than 10 minutes the entire day, I am wide awake at 3Am. I’ve watched tv, talked on the phone, did some online shopping, drank warm milk….and still I’m wide awake. 

And think. I’ve done a lot of thinking. My head swimming with thoughts and ideas and plans for the future. Where I want to go, what I want to do, who I want to be. 

And I keep thinking as I watch the numbers on the clock change to 4am. 


  1. Mental Thoughts with Michael says:

    Good luck with that. You are braver than me!


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