I’ve been called a lot of things over the course of my life, some good, some bad, some justified while others are not, but an insult that was thrown at me just last night really hit a nerve- coward. More accurately, I was told I exhibited cowardness, which is basically the same as calling me a coward. 

My reaction? I saw red and replied with….

I am NOT a coward. I have more courage and guts than you will ever find in another god damn woman in your life and if you knew me at all you would know that! 

Maybe I took for granted that this person didn’t know all there is to know about me. They probably don’t realize the things I have endured and survived, but they are aware of a great deal of it and when those words popped up on my computer screen, I didn’t care what they did or didn’t know, the anger coursed through me. 

A coward? Bitch please!  This chick is a survivor. 

I’ve survived childhood sexual abuse, and years and years of verbal abuse at the hands of people who I thought loved me. 

I made the decision, as a teenager, to take the long road and keep my baby who would shortly thereafter become the centre of my entire world, and after we were both rejected harshly by his father, together we survived! 

I’ve lived through more than 3 decades of an undiagnosed mental disorder that threatened my sanity time and time again, nearly took my life, and completely fucked with my head, my heart, and my self esteem and I survived! 

I survived a relationship filled with fear and control; being held hostage in my own home, spending days in a bed while pondering how in the hell I was going to escape, looking at the tiny windows in the basement apartment and wondering if I could squeeze through the small space to freedom and safety. I escaped, I survived, I learned to not live in fear anymore and put it behind me. 

I survived more than a decade of loving an addict who repeatedly hurt and betrayed me, destroyed our family and our life together, left me broke and alone over and over, not knowing how the bills would be paid or how I was putting food on the table! Yet, I made it through because that’s what survivors do! 

I’ve been knocked down, physically and emotionally, but got back up!  

I started over, alone and scared, damaged and confused, broken and bruised, and I recreated a life that had been shattered. 

I’ve raised two kids on my own, as I struggled with mental illness, after being raised in a broken home where insults were thrown like punches, yet I’ve raised them right. I’ve raised them to be strong and be their own person and every time I look at them I know I did a great job! 

A coward? I’ve never been, nor will I ever be. I’m strong and proud and brave. I’m a fighter! You can knock me down but you can’t keep me there. I always get back up, stronger and better than I was before, because I, my friend, am a fucking survivor and that is what we do! 

  
 

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Comments
  1. DREW5000G says:

    More power to you, keep strong although i can tell you will

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bipolarwhisper says:

    I absolutely love this post. You have no idea how much, actually you probably do. I know you in real life at least to some extents, and we have become closer through a shared illness, through shared pasts that are not linked but are similar. And this is exactly who you are. You have survived time and time again, when everything and the world kicked you down, you got back up started that mother fucker in the face and said “Not today, today I survive”. I know this. I have absolutely no doubts about how strong you are. Even when you feel that you are not strong you are exhibiting strengths that most people could not even fathom, let along understand. You my friend are an inspiration to me, a survivor, a fighter, and I am proud to call you my Friend.!! love you xo

    Like

    • Writingofpassage says:

      Awe Hun. You made me cry!! Thank you so much. It’s good to know that someone has so much faith in me. I’m so glad were friends and that we can lean on each other when the chips are down. Love you too xo

      Liked by 1 person

  3. hbhatnagar says:

    I hope you gave that person hell! What makes them think they can sit in judgment over us? Honestly!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. ravenstag says:

    “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged”, huh?

    This person is not familiar with your story, therefore he/she’s not entitled to make conclusions about it. It doesn’t say a lot about you, when she/he calls you a coward. (It’s just bullshit). But it says a lot about this person for sure… That’s disappointing. Isn’t it just better to listen and to put yourself into somebody else’s shoes before making an unfriendly statement? It might be hurtful. Moreover – it might be crippling.

    Hold on to your inner strenght. Courage is not an absence of fear. I’m sure you were afraid a lot of times (which is human), but I bet that you’ve been also brave.
    Here you are – just as you wrote – a survivor.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Renzie Dawn says:

    I just teared up reading this, it’s so powerful. There’s a quote I love, “Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” Not saying that you’re damaged at all (please don’t take offense) but going through some shit and always coming out on top makes a survivor one hell of a force to be reckoned with! Keep going, keep being amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Writingofpassage says:

      Thanks so much for reading and for your heartfelt comments. No offence taken whatsoever 🙂 I’ll admit to being somewhat damaged, but I won’t let it affect me. I’m stronger than that 🙂
      Again, thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

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