I Wish I Could be Manic Everyday

Posted: May 26, 2015 in Bipolar, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Life and the Pursuit of Balance & Happiness, Uncategorized
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My apologies for having gone so long without posting. I was out of town for a few days, visiting friends in the city and once again longing for the day I can move there. The boys and I had a lovely time and are now back home and back to our regularly scheduled program. 

How are y’all feeling? Me, I’m okay. Just okay. I’m not down, I’m not up. I’m not happy, I’m not sad. I’m not high nor low. I’m just okay but I wish I weren’t. I wish I were happy and hyper and excited. I wish I were energetic, creative, and elated. 

I wish I were manic. 

Does that sound crazy? To wish for something that alters your entire world for a few days or a few weeks. To crave something that threatens your sanity and changes the way you see the entire world. Call it what you will, I long for it. 

Manic is when I am happiest, most energetic and productive. It is during the stages of mania when my self esteem is at it’s highest. It’s when I feel confident and able to take on the world.  I’m happy, and not just in the content form of the word but very happy, ecstatic even. I am moving and shaking, writing and painting, talking and laughing. I am me when I am manic, the other forms of me that inhabit my being during the time when I am not manic long forgotten. 

I want to feel like me again. I want to laugh and dance and be happy again. I want to be manic again. Call me crazy, but I wish I could be manic everyday. 

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Comments
  1. wonderme12 says:

    Great post.. I often long for the energy and feeling of euphoria as well. It is a weird kind of “wanting”.. looking forward to reading more of your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dani says:

    Doesn’t sounds crazy at all! I can totally empathise with this want because for me it means I’m less in my head, thinking destructive thoughts, and more out there really LIVING my life! xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hbhatnagar says:

    I hope you stay whichever way you you’d like to stay. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. blahpolar says:

    I’d hate it, personally, but of course all of our experiences are different. I find hypomania fun, but full mania turns me into an impulsive idiot and has got me into more shit than I care to remember xD

    Liked by 2 people

  5. dimdaze says:

    I am not a good maniac. I go crazy. If there is a word bigger than ecstatic, that’s where I go. The depression that follows is awful. I just don’t want to be bipolar anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Writingofpassage says:

      If given the choice, I would choose to never be bipolar another day in my life as well. Of all the ways in which my moods swing though, I like the mania best. I’m sorry your experiences aren’t good ones.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. It is understandable. When I feel fatigue and depression it is so hard to get anything done. I fall behind on everything The house falls apart…piles of junk everywhere, dishes, messes. When I am hypomanic I can clean everything really fast and just keep going all night. The house looks great then.
    I also feel like I have insights about business ideas and life plans, that I feel like I lose later on.

    Like

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