As I posted recently in 1 point: Me, 0 points: Bipolar I set out today on my first ever road trip completely alone. To some this may not seen like a big deal and once upon a time, it might not have seemed so for me either, but bipolar has robbed me of that, or at least it’s given it it’s best shot. It may have succeeded for a while but, dear bipolar disorder, I am bigger and stronger than you are!
I didn’t always feel this way. In fact for the first few months after my diagnosis I felt as if my life was over….
…but recently (in the past 5-6 weeks) I’ve done a lot of thinking! I’ve lived with this disorder, unknowingly, since around the age of 12. That’s 23 years with an undiagnosed illness that threatened my sanity and literally almost took my life more than once and I survived!! So, what was it about this breakdown and the long awaited diagnosis that suddenly turned my world upside down and stripped away so much of who I was?
It became real. Suddenly I knew what was wrong with me, but after struggling in silence for so long, I didn’t know how to deal with the reality. I felt for a long time as if my life ended the day I received my diagnosis; that I had fought the fight for so long I didn’t have any fight left in me. Maybe I just needed the time I grasp it, to accept it, before I was able to deal. Maybe I was just tired and needed the time to rest. Yes, this disorder changed my life, but after taking the time to grasp, accept, and rest I knew it was time to take back my life. Bipolar could have that time, but it could not have my life.
So today, the bipolar is not coming along as I take a much needed road trip and time away from home. I put on my big girl panties, packed my bags, threw them into my backseat, and with the sounds of the radio filling my car I drove off, leaving the bipolar behind.
Writing of Passage 